I've spoken openly about my illnesses. I have anxiety and depression and have suffered with both my entire life. I know I say "illnesses" but in truth, they are two sides of the same coin. Today, I'm having a very hard time struggling with cognitive distortion.
If you don't know what cognitive distortion is, you probably have dealt with it but just don't know if by name.
One example:
I can't do anything right. I'm the worst. Everyone hates me.
Another example:
What would happen if I jumped in front of that train?
These thoughts happen to all of us but I swear that my vivid imagination deliver them to me in ultra 3D and sometimes, it's too much to bear.
Today, I feel like I'm being bombarded with negative thoughts and I am trying to hone in on why and can't come up with anything.
In therapy, they teach you to "HALT" and think are you H-hungry, A-Angry, L-Lonely, T-Tired? Hungry? No, I ate. Angry? Yeah, but I'm always at some level of angry lately given the president. Lonely? No, I have my family and my friends around. Tired? Yeah, of course, I'm a mom of two young kids, I'm always tired. So what is it?
It's gloomy outside, but I like the gloom. I like rain, it makes me happy to see the world being renewed and refreshed.
It's also my 13th wedding anniversary but that's a happy occasion not a depressing or anxious one.
Sometimes, I wish I didn't have depression/anxiety. I wish I didn't need medication. I wish I was "normal". Then, I realize that I really don't. If everything in life is a trade-off and my depression/anxiety is the price to pay for my creative and intelligence, I guess I'll take it.I will gladly admit that sometimes, I hate it. It feels like this demon on my back that I can't shake and it pisses me off when it starts needling me. Today it's extra bitchy.
Maybe it's just the fact that kids are being intentionally harmed by our government, or that the president lies to us everyday and people continue to thank him for it, or that we keep allowing our government representatives to visit Moscow even after the act of war they committed in 2016. That would be like Bush's administration actively going to visit with Osama bin Laden post 9/11. What Russia did was reprehensible and they should not be give our attention for what they did. They should be blocked, not praised.
Maybe I'm just done with the dog and pony show. I'm done with this two bit reality TV asshole lying, cheating and stealing and harming everyone and everything that he possibly can. He's an evil vengeful thug that doesn't deserve a pot to piss in let alone the Oval Office.
I don't blame people with conservative beliefs, Trump isn't conservative. I don't blame extreme leftists, they just want what's best for all. I believe deep down most people are good and most people do want what is best. I don't believe that about Trump. He doesn't want what is best.
Trump wanted to become president so he could say, "I'm president and you're not, so there!" and that's it. He has no agenda. He has no principles. He has nothing to offer. He can't function without an enemy to combat. As much as I love Obama speaking out for democrats, it also sucks because it gives Trump a supposed enemy. In Trump's mind everyone that dissents against his opinions is his enemy. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Yes, you do. If you're reading my blog, you do.
In any case, I have to get myself together today. I have to shove this asshole demon off my back and move forward.
Onward...
If you don't know what cognitive distortion is, you probably have dealt with it but just don't know if by name.
One example:
I can't do anything right. I'm the worst. Everyone hates me.
Another example:
What would happen if I jumped in front of that train?
These thoughts happen to all of us but I swear that my vivid imagination deliver them to me in ultra 3D and sometimes, it's too much to bear.
Today, I feel like I'm being bombarded with negative thoughts and I am trying to hone in on why and can't come up with anything.
In therapy, they teach you to "HALT" and think are you H-hungry, A-Angry, L-Lonely, T-Tired? Hungry? No, I ate. Angry? Yeah, but I'm always at some level of angry lately given the president. Lonely? No, I have my family and my friends around. Tired? Yeah, of course, I'm a mom of two young kids, I'm always tired. So what is it?
It's gloomy outside, but I like the gloom. I like rain, it makes me happy to see the world being renewed and refreshed.
It's also my 13th wedding anniversary but that's a happy occasion not a depressing or anxious one.
Sometimes, I wish I didn't have depression/anxiety. I wish I didn't need medication. I wish I was "normal". Then, I realize that I really don't. If everything in life is a trade-off and my depression/anxiety is the price to pay for my creative and intelligence, I guess I'll take it.I will gladly admit that sometimes, I hate it. It feels like this demon on my back that I can't shake and it pisses me off when it starts needling me. Today it's extra bitchy.
Maybe it's just the fact that kids are being intentionally harmed by our government, or that the president lies to us everyday and people continue to thank him for it, or that we keep allowing our government representatives to visit Moscow even after the act of war they committed in 2016. That would be like Bush's administration actively going to visit with Osama bin Laden post 9/11. What Russia did was reprehensible and they should not be give our attention for what they did. They should be blocked, not praised.
Maybe I'm just done with the dog and pony show. I'm done with this two bit reality TV asshole lying, cheating and stealing and harming everyone and everything that he possibly can. He's an evil vengeful thug that doesn't deserve a pot to piss in let alone the Oval Office.
I don't blame people with conservative beliefs, Trump isn't conservative. I don't blame extreme leftists, they just want what's best for all. I believe deep down most people are good and most people do want what is best. I don't believe that about Trump. He doesn't want what is best.
Trump wanted to become president so he could say, "I'm president and you're not, so there!" and that's it. He has no agenda. He has no principles. He has nothing to offer. He can't function without an enemy to combat. As much as I love Obama speaking out for democrats, it also sucks because it gives Trump a supposed enemy. In Trump's mind everyone that dissents against his opinions is his enemy. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Yes, you do. If you're reading my blog, you do.
In any case, I have to get myself together today. I have to shove this asshole demon off my back and move forward.
Onward...
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