I've been sad for a number of reasons (one of which is that I learned that a close family member has terminal cancer, it's very sudden and I'm very sad about it). I also get depressed when the seasons shift anyway, it's part of my illness, but I'm also sad because of certain news stories that come out. I'm sad that time after time men in positions of power abuse their power, and then other men call the woman coming forward a liar. This is sad, and it's outrageous and it needs to stop.
My son is three years old. I say things to him like, "If Charlotte is playing with a ball you want, make sure you ask permission before taking it away." Yeah, it's subtle, but he needs to learn that he can't just take what isn't his. I have to start young because not having these conversations with our boys leads to greater issues. Ignoring it by calling it "locker room talk" or saying things like, "boys will be boys" just perpetuates the issue and makes it worse. It's time to break the cycle.
I'm one woman, but I want to share my stories. If they can help me by unburdening my heart and also help others, good.
1. At 11 years old a classmate began pinching my behind while I would be getting books from my locker. School officials looked the other way, did nothing to address him, so my parents moved me to a different school. This is the first instance I can recall where I was inconvenienced because no one would discipline the boy.
2. At Catholic school, where I was transferred, the same thing happened except the girls in the class were calling me a liar, egging the boys on, and the principal stepped in...to imply that maybe it was something I was doing. It wasn't. We wore uniforms. My parents moved me back to my old school.
3. Freshman year of high school I wore a spaghetti strap tank top. It was hot, the school was not air conditioned. I was called to the office because my shirt was "distracting the boys." Instead of addressing the boys and telling them that they need to control themselves, I was given a sweater from the lost and found and forced to wear it for the rest of the day. My parents were called and told I was not to wear shirts like that ever again.
4. Also in high school a senior boy gave me a ride home. He stopped in front of my house, leaned over my seat and held the door so I couldn't get out, and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away, he got mad at me because he was "nice enough to give me a ride home and I couldn't even thank him with a kiss."
5. I was 20, at a party, drunk, passing out, I felt someone behind me, tugging at my clothes. It was my best friends little brother. I woke up, sobered up, tried to get up, told him to stop, he wouldn't, I cried, I begged him to stop, he got mad at me for stopping him. I wanted to leave, I told my best friend, she told me she didn't believe me because "blood is thicker than water."
6. Also 20, a colleague gave me a ride home. Instead he took me to his apartment, asked me if I had ever "seen a black man's dick before" and proceeded to show it to me. I wanted to go home as he initially promised, he complied and took me home after he masturbated in front of me.
7. A boyfriend.
8. Another boyfriend.
9. And another...
10. They all expected, took, moved on with no regard to me as a sentient being, as a person with feelings, they all hurt me and lived their lives without ever thinking what they did or continued to do was wrong.
At 21, I threatened to kill myself. My father called the police, they admitted me and got me the help I needed. I finally told my parents all of it, everything.
It's not a surprise to me like someone like Kavanaugh would act indifferent, he was raised to think it was perfectly fine to take whatever he wanted from females. So many men are raised that way.
As I write this, I am in tears. I'm reliving all of it and it makes me sick to my stomach. I know that no matter what I said no one would truly hear me because "boys will be boys".
No. I'm sorry, no. This is not okay.
Women are people. We have feelings, hearts, voices, we have a say. Men can't just force themselves upon us, they can't just take what they want and act like it's all okay. They can't do it and the culture needs to stop.
Share my stories, share yours. Wake up. Men need to stop being coddled. Boys need to be taught respect. Parents need to hold their boys responsible.
I'm not saying all women are totally innocent, I am sharing my experiences but I am also saying that it's difficult for these males to hold themselves responsible if no one else does. When we have a president that says, "women, you need to treat them like shit" what kind of message is that sending to our young men???
Nothing will erase the pain I have endured but we can prevent pain like this, it's easy, just teach people that they can't just take what doesn't belong to them.
I'm one woman, but I want to share my stories. If they can help me by unburdening my heart and also help others, good.
1. At 11 years old a classmate began pinching my behind while I would be getting books from my locker. School officials looked the other way, did nothing to address him, so my parents moved me to a different school. This is the first instance I can recall where I was inconvenienced because no one would discipline the boy.
2. At Catholic school, where I was transferred, the same thing happened except the girls in the class were calling me a liar, egging the boys on, and the principal stepped in...to imply that maybe it was something I was doing. It wasn't. We wore uniforms. My parents moved me back to my old school.
3. Freshman year of high school I wore a spaghetti strap tank top. It was hot, the school was not air conditioned. I was called to the office because my shirt was "distracting the boys." Instead of addressing the boys and telling them that they need to control themselves, I was given a sweater from the lost and found and forced to wear it for the rest of the day. My parents were called and told I was not to wear shirts like that ever again.
4. Also in high school a senior boy gave me a ride home. He stopped in front of my house, leaned over my seat and held the door so I couldn't get out, and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away, he got mad at me because he was "nice enough to give me a ride home and I couldn't even thank him with a kiss."
5. I was 20, at a party, drunk, passing out, I felt someone behind me, tugging at my clothes. It was my best friends little brother. I woke up, sobered up, tried to get up, told him to stop, he wouldn't, I cried, I begged him to stop, he got mad at me for stopping him. I wanted to leave, I told my best friend, she told me she didn't believe me because "blood is thicker than water."
6. Also 20, a colleague gave me a ride home. Instead he took me to his apartment, asked me if I had ever "seen a black man's dick before" and proceeded to show it to me. I wanted to go home as he initially promised, he complied and took me home after he masturbated in front of me.
7. A boyfriend.
8. Another boyfriend.
9. And another...
10. They all expected, took, moved on with no regard to me as a sentient being, as a person with feelings, they all hurt me and lived their lives without ever thinking what they did or continued to do was wrong.
At 21, I threatened to kill myself. My father called the police, they admitted me and got me the help I needed. I finally told my parents all of it, everything.
It's not a surprise to me like someone like Kavanaugh would act indifferent, he was raised to think it was perfectly fine to take whatever he wanted from females. So many men are raised that way.
As I write this, I am in tears. I'm reliving all of it and it makes me sick to my stomach. I know that no matter what I said no one would truly hear me because "boys will be boys".
No. I'm sorry, no. This is not okay.
Women are people. We have feelings, hearts, voices, we have a say. Men can't just force themselves upon us, they can't just take what they want and act like it's all okay. They can't do it and the culture needs to stop.
Share my stories, share yours. Wake up. Men need to stop being coddled. Boys need to be taught respect. Parents need to hold their boys responsible.
I'm not saying all women are totally innocent, I am sharing my experiences but I am also saying that it's difficult for these males to hold themselves responsible if no one else does. When we have a president that says, "women, you need to treat them like shit" what kind of message is that sending to our young men???
Nothing will erase the pain I have endured but we can prevent pain like this, it's easy, just teach people that they can't just take what doesn't belong to them.
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